It was the first could night of the season
And for no particular reason
I decided to snuggle up with the mistress.
She was great and all, but wasn’t quite ready to call her the missus.

She felt so right and it had been so long
Holding her again just felt like like home.
Did she leave me or did I drive her away
None of that mattered today.

When we first met I was just ten years old.
What I loved most was how she touched my soul.
People laughed when we first got together
Said it would pass, like a storm of bad weather.

Off and on over the years it has been.
She was always the one I called friend.
In high school and college we would sometime lay.
Lost in her pleasures, but she would never stay.

Moved on and got married, but she was still my heart.
Didn’t know then, but that was when the change started.
With the wave of a wand you were on Oprah’s couch
I let you down. That was no doubt.

Family came first, she wasn’t in the plan.
I had to be a father. I had to be a man.
Five more years, you forgave my past.
Five more years, the future hit us fast.

The pale horse came and I was alone again.
After all that you took me back and held me within.
I was so sad lonely and lost.
I questioned how much my love cost.

She is in my arms again and my bed is warm.
I know that her love never meant me any harm.
Because of her I can stand to my feet.
Without her and my kids, I’d be on the street.

She keeps me grounded, safe and loved.
When she is with me I feel like I’m protected from above.
She is my joy, my love, my all

I’m just talking about my writing ya’ll.
EDB10272008

What is NaNoWriMo? According to the website, it is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.

I've decided to take up the challenge and I invite you on this journey with me. Over the next thirty-five days, I will blog about my progress and give daily updates regarding my word count. For anyone interested, the website is www.nanowrimo.org and I could use some writing buddies.

My NaNoWriMo project for the month is entitled, Hard Magic. The name comes from something an agent said about my last book, ". . . it's very polished but not striking hard enough magic with me. I appreciate the look, but I'll step aside."

Just as I try to seek the right combination of words to strike this "hard magic," Lisa Montgomery is searching for the same. She has found herself abruptly dumped by her fiancé with no place to live and no money. With the help of a childhood friend, she is getting back on her feet. She has found a great new job, but has also fallen in the middle of a love triangle with two men who couldn't be more different. All is not what is seems when a secret is revealed about her great new job.

I plan to inject a bit of my own skewed sense of humor in this romantic suspense novel dealing with love, dating, marriage and other moments of temporary insanity.

Five days out and I am putting the finishing touches on my outline. Wednesday, I will breakdown my word count and setup my schedule for the month. Thursday, I will watch The Office and CSI (I'm just keeping it real). Friday, I will either prepare the work area in my office or find a coffee shop or bookstores and make any last minute changes to my outline. Saturday at 12:01 am, I will start my task.

It's always been my excuse that it is just too hard to write and juggle kids and a career. Well, if I ever plan to write as a career, I need to do it now. I'm not getting any younger and I have so much I want to say.

I'm just trying to find people who want to listen. Wish me luck.

I am Erick’s heart. I am in a million little pieces, only being held together by the cold hard layers of pain and loss. I am the reason the Erick will never be able to completely give himself to anyone.

I should be crying but I just can’t let the feeling show. If I start to cry, I don’t think that I’ll be able to stop. I know that I am not alone, but I always feel lonely. Whether in a crowded office or around a million friends, no one really knows me or the hurt that I have inside. Just thinking of another hurricane approaching, I am drawn back to one of the worst times in my life. Where do I go from here?

I am Erick’s heart and I am suffocating him. He is slowly dying . . . one breath at a time.

The summer is over. It makes no sense, but the kids start school this Friday. I’m sure that they have their reasons, but why start school on a Friday? This summer has gone by so fast. It seems like we just moved into this house and got settled.

The kids and I went to New Orleans this past Saturday and had a blast. We went to the Aquarium of the Americas and the Insectarium. The kids had been to the Aquarium before but this was my first time. I was blown away and I can’t wait to go back. We also saw a 3-D IMAX movie. EJ was reaching out and trying to touch the sea monsters. I may post some pics on my next blog. I was also taken to a little hole in the wall called Check In, Check Out. It’s a place that would fit in perfectly on the Food Networks Diners, Drive Ins and Dives. The kids shared a shrimp platter that they finally finished off last night and I had a HUGE shrimp poboy. There was so much food that I ate their potato salad and they still had dessert left over. We had such a great time that I am really looking forward to my next trip

The funny thing is that it was the same place that my dad used to bring me and I have to admit that I got a little misty. It was good though. Any memory of my dad is a good one and I feel more of a connection by bringing my kids there. I try not to get sad and dwell on the loses that we’ve had, but it gets hard sometime. This Sunday our pastor was reading a prayer request about a woman who had been diagnosed with cancer; she is going back this week to see how bad it is. He prayed that there won’t be any trace of the cancer at her next check up. I definitely believe in the power of prayer, but situations like that always seem to cut at me. When Cora got sick, we prayed for her healing, but it wasn’t in God’s plan. I just feel, I don’t know, it bothers me sometimes when others talk about their healing. It’s not that I doubted God or anything like that. Sometimes you end up feeling like other people think that maybe Cora died because our faith wasn’t strong enough. Of course, I know that’s not the case, but it does hurt. I know that God has a plan for everyone. I mean, just think about it. If Bob Marley were alive today, he and Snoop Dogg would probably have a song together or something like that. The new Marvin Gaye single would have a rap by Akon in the middle of it. No, I trust him and his judgment.

Another funny thing happened this weekend. I actually went to New Orleans and had fun. After Katrina, I swore that I would never go back. Anyone who has read my past blogs probably remembers that. I ended up having to back for work a few times, but I didn’t think that I would ever return for fun. I had to admit that we had a great time. There is so much to do and so much to see. As a writer, it was apparent that every building had a story and from the artists and street performers, I felt truly inspired. Creatively, I am at a very good place. I know that things are going to be hectic when school starts, but I am going to make it. I believe in myself and my abilities and for me, that’s a good place to be.

I am still fighting a headache. I’ve got the worst sinus infection known to man. Just about everyday for the past week and a half, I end up in bed with a headache. I had planned on updating my blog last night, but my plans were dashed after a phone from my mom. Sometimes you feel like you are a burden to everyone around you. Sometimes I think of packing up the kids and moving away. I try to give so much to the people around me but I am always left on empty. I’m too strict with the kids and then I’m not strict enough. It seems like I’m fighting just to keep up with life and I’m doing it all alone. It would be nice sometimes to feel like a priority to the people in my life. I always put everyone else’s needs before mine. It’s understandable with the kids, but there are so many others that refuse to see my needs. It would be nice for someone to come by and say that they are here to baby-sit and let me have some time to myself.

As I was in the midst of my despair, Devil in a Blue Dress came on. That movie and book by Walter Mosley inspired me to start writing. It was nice to get reacquainted with these characters that are like old friends to me. Though I felt better, I didn’t rest well. I was very restless and lonely. I try not to worry about things but sometimes it’s hard to turn off your brain and relax.

In no particular order, I need a good night’s sleep, childcare, extra $$$ and a wife . . .or maybe a good housekeeper with benefits.

Just kidding.

One of my problems actually worked itself out. One of my best friends told me to just write and if nothing comes of it, so be it. I guess I lost my way and tried to take myself a little too seriously. The bottom line is that I enjoy writing and I will do it for the rest of my life whether I get paid for it or not.

That is one of the reasons that I am giving away my second novel on my other blog. It’s nice to blog and get things off my chest but fiction has always been my escape. I love that I can write about something and vent without hurting anyone’s feeling or worse yet, having to talk about things. If people could only see the things that will never see the light of day. I’ll have to trust one of my friends to destroy my laptop and journals if anything ever happens to me.

I went to the midnight show of Batman a couple of weeks ago. Even though I paid for it the next day, I enjoyed spending the time with my nephew. When he was younger, we would things like that all the time, but since he’s gotten older and I’ve had a family, we haven’t been able to spend much time together. It was great. He doesn’t know it, but he plays a significant role in my book, Mask of Shadows.

Work has been busy, but that’s nothing new. I’ve often said that my job is almost recession proof. The worse the economy gets, the busier we are. I am having a hard time finding the time to write. I did finish outlining the beginning of my newest thriller, Unreported. The middle is always the toughest part, but I’m having a good time connecting all of the dots. Heath Leger’s Joker was a great inspiration for my antagonist. My protagonist is a bit of a jerk as well. I am having a lot of fun with this book and I am really looking forward to finishing it. Sometimes I wish that I had a writing partner, someone who would keep me accountable.

Relationship things are . . . . Wow, it’s that late already! Gotta get dinner started. Look for another update before the end of the week.

If you are reading this, you have found your way to my new blog. Welcome. I hope to update this one at least once a week, but with life, kids and work, who knows.

It has been five years since Under Abnormal Conditions was published. I still can’t believe that much time has passed. I have a bit of a dilemma. I’ve got three completed manuscripts collecting dust on the bookshelves, but still no agent or publisher. I probably haven’t exhausted all of my possible resources, but stamps, paper and ink cost money. Once you send a query package away, there is no guarantee that an agent will bite. Money thrown away. While some agents will accept e-queries, most do not. The ones that do accept emails, usually only reply if they interested in the project. One agent who did ask to read the book said that it was very polished but not striking hard enough magic with him. I’m still trying to figure out that comment. Anyway, either I can start sending out query package/emails or I can self publish.

If I self publish, I can control the cost of the book. The biggest problem with my last book was trying to convince people to spend $20.00 on a 177-page book. Tough sell, I don’t care how good it is. I will also have to do the cover art and have it edited, so the cost may end up shooting out of range if I’m not careful. Now on the other hand, I know that this book is better than the first. If I can keep the cost to $10-12.00, I can sell a lot more book and get my name back out there. I am also better prepared for the marketing and promotions aspects. That brings up another problem. How am I going to have the time to do all this? I barely have time to write now, so how am I going to launch a book campaign with virtually no help?

Do I go back to the traditional route?

Do I self-publish?

I don’t want to end up sitting here ten years from now having the same doubts and questions. I want to do something, but I don’t want to make a mistake and set my writing career in reverse. If I had known then what I know now, I would have never signed my first book deal. I was just so excited that I was going to be published that I would have signed anything put in front of me. Now in February and August of every year since 2003, I get a royalty check for maybe $2.00.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I’ve starting writing a hardcore, gritty thriller about a detective with a secret addiction and romance featuring a frustrated writer. Let me know if anyone wants a preview.