I am still fighting a headache. I’ve got the worst sinus infection known to man. Just about everyday for the past week and a half, I end up in bed with a headache. I had planned on updating my blog last night, but my plans were dashed after a phone from my mom. Sometimes you feel like you are a burden to everyone around you. Sometimes I think of packing up the kids and moving away. I try to give so much to the people around me but I am always left on empty. I’m too strict with the kids and then I’m not strict enough. It seems like I’m fighting just to keep up with life and I’m doing it all alone. It would be nice sometimes to feel like a priority to the people in my life. I always put everyone else’s needs before mine. It’s understandable with the kids, but there are so many others that refuse to see my needs. It would be nice for someone to come by and say that they are here to baby-sit and let me have some time to myself.

As I was in the midst of my despair, Devil in a Blue Dress came on. That movie and book by Walter Mosley inspired me to start writing. It was nice to get reacquainted with these characters that are like old friends to me. Though I felt better, I didn’t rest well. I was very restless and lonely. I try not to worry about things but sometimes it’s hard to turn off your brain and relax.

In no particular order, I need a good night’s sleep, childcare, extra $$$ and a wife . . .or maybe a good housekeeper with benefits.

Just kidding.

One of my problems actually worked itself out. One of my best friends told me to just write and if nothing comes of it, so be it. I guess I lost my way and tried to take myself a little too seriously. The bottom line is that I enjoy writing and I will do it for the rest of my life whether I get paid for it or not.

That is one of the reasons that I am giving away my second novel on my other blog. It’s nice to blog and get things off my chest but fiction has always been my escape. I love that I can write about something and vent without hurting anyone’s feeling or worse yet, having to talk about things. If people could only see the things that will never see the light of day. I’ll have to trust one of my friends to destroy my laptop and journals if anything ever happens to me.

I went to the midnight show of Batman a couple of weeks ago. Even though I paid for it the next day, I enjoyed spending the time with my nephew. When he was younger, we would things like that all the time, but since he’s gotten older and I’ve had a family, we haven’t been able to spend much time together. It was great. He doesn’t know it, but he plays a significant role in my book, Mask of Shadows.

Work has been busy, but that’s nothing new. I’ve often said that my job is almost recession proof. The worse the economy gets, the busier we are. I am having a hard time finding the time to write. I did finish outlining the beginning of my newest thriller, Unreported. The middle is always the toughest part, but I’m having a good time connecting all of the dots. Heath Leger’s Joker was a great inspiration for my antagonist. My protagonist is a bit of a jerk as well. I am having a lot of fun with this book and I am really looking forward to finishing it. Sometimes I wish that I had a writing partner, someone who would keep me accountable.

Relationship things are . . . . Wow, it’s that late already! Gotta get dinner started. Look for another update before the end of the week.

If you are reading this, you have found your way to my new blog. Welcome. I hope to update this one at least once a week, but with life, kids and work, who knows.

It has been five years since Under Abnormal Conditions was published. I still can’t believe that much time has passed. I have a bit of a dilemma. I’ve got three completed manuscripts collecting dust on the bookshelves, but still no agent or publisher. I probably haven’t exhausted all of my possible resources, but stamps, paper and ink cost money. Once you send a query package away, there is no guarantee that an agent will bite. Money thrown away. While some agents will accept e-queries, most do not. The ones that do accept emails, usually only reply if they interested in the project. One agent who did ask to read the book said that it was very polished but not striking hard enough magic with him. I’m still trying to figure out that comment. Anyway, either I can start sending out query package/emails or I can self publish.

If I self publish, I can control the cost of the book. The biggest problem with my last book was trying to convince people to spend $20.00 on a 177-page book. Tough sell, I don’t care how good it is. I will also have to do the cover art and have it edited, so the cost may end up shooting out of range if I’m not careful. Now on the other hand, I know that this book is better than the first. If I can keep the cost to $10-12.00, I can sell a lot more book and get my name back out there. I am also better prepared for the marketing and promotions aspects. That brings up another problem. How am I going to have the time to do all this? I barely have time to write now, so how am I going to launch a book campaign with virtually no help?

Do I go back to the traditional route?

Do I self-publish?

I don’t want to end up sitting here ten years from now having the same doubts and questions. I want to do something, but I don’t want to make a mistake and set my writing career in reverse. If I had known then what I know now, I would have never signed my first book deal. I was just so excited that I was going to be published that I would have signed anything put in front of me. Now in February and August of every year since 2003, I get a royalty check for maybe $2.00.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I’ve starting writing a hardcore, gritty thriller about a detective with a secret addiction and romance featuring a frustrated writer. Let me know if anyone wants a preview.